As the day nears, I am full of emotions. My logic feels cloudy, my heart constantly seems full. I know this is a day all of us think about, some more than others, some planning for it a lot more than others. My wedding day is coming close.
The first event that made the entire process feel real was the bridal shower. A beautiful ceremony/party organized by my mother. My family and friends gathered and truly showered me with so much love and blessings that I was touched beyond belief. I don't see these people too often or chat extensively with them (I am mostly an introvert), but it felt good to know that they had all come together that day for me and my upcoming wedding. So far I have been planning and contemplating on being married and becoming a bride. It's been a nerve-wrecking and stressful process. I am young, and I've never felt my young age until very recently. To know that I will be a wife and responsible for taking care of many things, it slightly terrifies me. But in the midst of all of that I had forgotten the excitement. The bridal shower brought that back into the process. I realized, for the first time really, that I am going to be a bride! Dressing up in special clothes, getting my hair done fancy and being the center of attention made me realize just how special it is to be a bride. My cousin who is just a few years older got married earlier this year and gave me very succinct and sweet advice at the shower. She said - have a moment; during each part of the wedding ceremonies/events take a moment and savor it, enjoy what is going on, look at the groom, just take a moment and make it the moment you will remember. She said someone gave her that advice, and it worked wonders for her. Those moments were the ones she now cherishes because the rest of the wedding process (just like I'm sure mine will be) was a blur for her!
The second event that has made this process become even more real is that I gave notice at work. I had promised my fiance a long time ago that I would go wherever he goes, no matter what, and it has come time to take steps towards that promise. He is in a state far away from me, and I am leaving my job a bit before the wedding to get a grasp on things, move all my stuff, say goodbye to my parents and go get married! It is finally happening and I am finding myself overwhelmed. And it between all the nervousness and excitement, I found myself getting a Macbook Air. I always knew that I wanted this device, I was somehow convinced that it would help me be the writer I want to be. I just knew that if I have something portable and convenient to write with (besides a pen and paper, because apparently I write better when I type) then I would write more, and hopefully writing more will get me in the direction I want to go in. And boy was I right! I have a feeling that besides my parents' affection and my fiance's love, I'm going to need something of my very own to get me through this emotionally charged time, and I can't believe I found it!
MY writing has come back at every stage in my life - I don't think it has or ever will go away. Whatever my ambitions, my goals, my career, my ideals, writing will always be a part of my life - whether it is prominent or not will be determined by my attention to it. I haven't been able to write much lately, because the creative juices just haven't been flowing - my poetry, especially, has suffered. However, I realize that I have been narrowing myself to poetry. When in reality I've shifted to creative non-fiction as my main mode of writing. This shift has been so subtle that I didn't even notice it, but it has certainly happened. So with the help of my new device and my new found open mindedness, I hope to write more - anything I feel anything about, as well as I can write about it. This is my nirvana - this is my peace. It doesn't matter if I don't write anything publish worthy or earth shatteringly great, it just matters that I write. IT matters that I write what I have something to say about. It matters to me, and that is what matters.
So, with this and a deep breath, I believe I am ready for the next phase of my life. The transition has not been smooth, and I don't think the next few months will be smooth either, but I'm sure once I find that rhythm in my new life - my married life, it will be a great one, because at the end of the day it is all always about love.
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