Hope Floats.. Away

Every time a ray of hope becomes visible.. Something stands in the way and casts a shadow upon my ray. I'm petrified to be happy again, to see that ray of hope. Because the ray of hope brings a fear of "what bad now?" With this fear to hope, I lose hope.. I watch it drift away from me. Buh-bye hope! I pause here.. only to say.. that now, as I watch hope float away, I'm left with a new friend.. his name is emptiness. He leaves me numb and unable to feel. I embrace him as it feels right. It feels easy. And I'm so very tired.

Friendship

I did not realize how blessed I truly am. Here I am thinking my life has left me empty-handed and lonely, and I turn around to find that I'm not alone at all. I never thought this would happen, but it has, my life now has the good friends I've wanted my whole life. You know how I know that they are true friends? Because they all told me the same thing.. to just relax and let it be, that when I least expect it, something will happen. I told them I loved what they said to me, and how I completely agree with them. One even went to the extent of telling me how I believe it but I won't follow it. That separates good friends from a best friend. This is where I am and it is exactly where I want to be. I remember a few months ago in a conversation with a brother-friend, I remarked how I wanted friends and to have fun and fill my life with friendship before any other relationship could take place. I love people, and the good inside of them.. friendship brings out this good in them, and I realize how much I enjoy being free. Free yet full of love, confident, and ready to walk again.. on my path. Everything has its place, its time.. and this right now, right here, is mine.

Wisdom

A wise woman of age said to me in response to my frustration, "There is a perfect soul-mate meant for each and every one." To which I responded, "Who is he and where the heck is he??" And all she said to me was, "Patience."
Patience.. yes, this is true. I'm still young. Full of hope, full of fear, at a unique point in life. I'm satisfied with who I am, who my friends are, my family is, my life is. Yet, a part of me longs for that special company, that one person who is meant to be. I know, patience, but seriously, where is he? and when am I going to find him? Will I ever find him? I won't just settle. Not now, not ever. Life is to be lived completely, not half-heartedly. I will not settle, no matter what, I won't give in. If I'm not strong now.. how will I ever be?

A new beginning

I am starting a journey. A new beginning of sorts. A lot has happened in the last few years, and I am moving beyond it all. Soul-searching is the appropriate term for what I feel I am now doing. Sometimes I write in a notebook, upon which only my eyes are allowed to fall. Now I am writing here, for all the world to see. This is a new path on my journey, because I see that I am not alone. You are there, I am here, we are in this together. Perhaps someone will share with me, and someone will just pass by. But I know that you at least stopped for one second in your life to look at something I wrote. And for now, that is a step for me. Me who is a writer.. me who is a philosopher.. me who is simply, me.