Hope Floats.. Away

Every time a ray of hope becomes visible.. Something stands in the way and casts a shadow upon my ray. I'm petrified to be happy again, to see that ray of hope. Because the ray of hope brings a fear of "what bad now?" With this fear to hope, I lose hope.. I watch it drift away from me. Buh-bye hope! I pause here.. only to say.. that now, as I watch hope float away, I'm left with a new friend.. his name is emptiness. He leaves me numb and unable to feel. I embrace him as it feels right. It feels easy. And I'm so very tired.