A Reflection

I achieved a personal feat lately - I made my way through and finished "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck. I have a fondness of Steinbeck, in general for a certain type of American author. Harper Lee, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson and of course Steinbeck are among the ones I admire and/or appreciate the most. The style with which "East of Eden" is written seems very well thought-out, very careful, and ever-so slow. Now, don't get me wrong when I say "slow" - I mean this with the uttermost respect and admiration. I found myself savoring every line of this book's daunting 600 pages, and all of it was completely worth it. To have made it through such a classic, in my opinion, feels great. I learned not only about a great story, a classic novel, but about myself too. I learned that I too have a sort of slow perseverance. I too can accomplish what my heart sets itself on - Yes, I said heart and not mind. Of late I have also discovered something quite unflattering about myself. I have a fickle mind. It never truly seems put and always tends to wander. I'm "open" minded and perhaps that's my greatest downfall. However, not everyone is designed to live their lives predominantly with their minds - there are those of us who live with and for our hearts. My heart is firm and determined. Perseverant too I learned after this particular read. So why not live my life from my heart - I know its' determination, I trust its' guidance. But something holds me back - courage, or the lack thereof. Until today I believed it was everyone's disapproval of me, or being dismissed as not of the practical world in wanting to follow my heart. However, only I am responsible for the life I live and want to live - only I can follow my heart and know where my determinations are, and today as I reflect upon my read, the sense of accomplishment I feel, I know my calling - I know what my heart wants - all I need is a bit of courage from deep within, and I know I will make it happen.