Growing Up

Life is not a bollywood movie. At least my life is not. I've been pretending it is, looking for signs and indications to make believe I'm a certain character. I loved Kuch Kuch Hota Hai growing up.. So I felt I was Anjali first, and that was an awful feeling. Than I got a chance to be Tina and realized I lost again. I can't win in real life as the main character or as the supporting one.. and you know why? Because life is not a bollywood movie. I am a unique, individual character in the movie of life.. so why have I been so busy pretending to be someone else? Well, no more! I'm not a movie, especially not a bollywood one.. I am me.. and my life is going to real.. tough!

As an afterthought.. anyone have any ideas on how to be real? I've lived in my childhood fantasy so long, that now when I am finally growing up and shedding my teenage skin.. I have no idea how to embrace "real" life. I am ready for it, for sure.. I just don't know how.

Renewal

Bud-dho, Bud-dho, Bud-dho.. I've forgotten how refreshing it is to meditate. I used to meditate while walking early in the morning all the time, but that seems so long ago now. It's been a bit over 2 years since I have meditated, until tonight. I feel renewed. A new person. The confidence level in my soul is soaring.. I had forgotten how exhilirating something so simple can be. "Buddho" - a word used to meditate on the Buddha. As the breath goes in, I feel the syllable "Bud" go through my spirit, and my breath departs.. so does the last syllable, "dho". With each in, I take in some good, and with each out, I let out some of the bad. It really is easy to let go.. I had simply forgotten.