A Path to Happiness

1. Live in the present.
2. Find inner peace.
3. Successful happiness.

So, number 1 seems to be self-explanatory - and number 3 the result.. so let's focus on number 2, and my latest topic of soul searching: Inner peace.

I have known for a while now that inner peace is not a temporary state. And if lasts temporarily, then it's not really inner peace. I've been told by some that they attain inner peace for a little while and at the slight provocation of others they fly into a rage and are pushed into leaving their inner peace. Honestly, that's not inner peace then. Peace is not some bug you are going to get for a while that others can drive away. Peace is a sort of permanence that you found and develop and grow into something stable. Inner peace cannot be obtained so easily as to be lost almost instantaneously. It is a lasting feeling, a lasting perception, that takes us straight to nirvana - to enlightenment.

I recently read a short book, "A Path to Happiness" by Thubten Chodron. It is a series of talks given by a Buddhist nun. And boy does she do a good job of explaining herself! However, most of what she says is what I've always felt or believed in. Reading the book felt like reassurance for my thoughts, and urged me to delve a bit deeper to try and understand the other side - the folks who this book is geared towards - those who have constantly told me they "lose" their inner peace. Don't they see? It's so clear, and yet they seem entrapped.

Chodron puts one particular aspect of all of this very nicely:
"When we're outrageously angry or burning with jealousy or when attachment is eating away at us, we can't deny that we have these negative emotions. Of course, we try to say that it's the other person's fault, that we have these horrible emotions only because they made us have them. But after we've listened to the Buddha's teachings, this rationale doesn't work any more. We know in our hearts that our happiness and suffering come from our own minds. Then, even though we try to blame our difficulties on other people, we know we can't. We are forced to look at them ourselves. And when we do, we also see that they are incredible opportunities to grow and learn."

There are so many things explained in this simple paragraph that I don't even know where to begin. For example, the simple fact that negative emotions blind us to the point where we ignore the reality of the situation and simply look to blame others. This notion seems to be within human nature so deeply, that it feels hard to get rid of. But the truth is so blatant, that someone has got to be truly, heavily ignorant to not realize that blaming is probably one of the worst actions we can do. I particularly come away from Chodron's paragraph with the sensibility that no one can hinder our path to enlightenment, except ourselves - our mind. It is we who decide our happiness and suffering. Others come along on the path and are there only on the sideline - even those who we feel hinder us from our path, are really there to teach us some lesson. From everything good, and everything bad, comes something for us to learn - and to grow!

The people who harm us end up pushing us towards our Dharma in search of answers we wouldn't seek if things were always good. Take a look at the soul searching I am doing right now - it all started a long time ago out of a very bad experience. That situation left me asking many questions, and with no answers. And today I'm in a place where I can not only look at the answers, but actually see them carefully. Out of all of this, I've realized, Karma, Dharma, Life only helps those who help themselves. Inner peace is easier then a lot of people seem to think. A lot more permanent then others want to believe. All it takes is living in the present - forgetting the past, not worrying about what's next. The true task is staying calm. It's easy being a monk in a monastery - try being a monk in bustling society.

Impermanence is the other name of life. People are born, people die - every second of the day. Situations are great and some are dire - they change with the seasons. Time seems the only continuity and even that never ceases to change. And from all of this stems peace. It is permanent, and it is the only relief from impermanence. At the end of the day - at the end of life - it is the peace that will deliver, no one, no thing, else. We must end suffering, and it will only end with our minds, our senses being in check and control. I was once asked how I could be a Hindu and believe in Buddhism? And this is exactly how; as I sit here and write this I realize I am simultaneously thinking of the Buddha and Krishna. The Buddha preached about enlightenment and nirvana, and showed us how peace and bringing our mind into a firm meditation will help us achieve that. And Krishna - embarked on a chariot - represents the virtue of self, the right path that we must follow. His horses, the reign he holds as he drives Arjuna's chariot represent Krishna reigning his senses - holding a firm mind, and not letting the situation deter him.

They are all telling us the same thing. The Buddha, Krishna, Ms. Chodron. Inner peace is our path to happiness - our path to a higher sense - something away from worldly things. All we have to do is listen. Is to be aware, to live in the moment, to be conscious of every moment - to let our minds meditate. We need not fear others, we have no enemies, our biggest challenge is our self. I am a 100% sure that what our ancestors messages say, we understand - accepting it for what it is.. there is the difficulty, and the challenge, that we must overcome, and before long it will all fall into place..

Hence, the path to happiness therein lies.

The Irony of Time

It's funny what time does to us. Not a 'haha' funny of course, just a simple ironic funny..

I stop to reflect back on certain things today. A day I was reminded about by someone recently. A day in the passing that I didn't think much of last year, yet one which means something now. Isn't that ironic? How one year someday means nothing, and another year it means a lot? And yet, we have no idea that that particular day will end up being something. Perhaps all of this is somehow linked? Perhaps.. some of our actions have consequences.. good ones and bad ones. When bad things happen to us, we stop and ponder - why did this happen? I must have done something wrong, life doesn't like me, the universe is against me, etc. etc. When something good happens, why is it we never stop to think about it?

I think, somewhere along this soul-searching expedition, I have come to learn a small lesson. Life has good and life has bad, and without one, the other wouldn't exist. Life is a package deal sort of speaking - it comes with it all! Today I am slowly realizing that if the bad had not happened, the good would have never followed. I'm still a mild skeptic - don't get me wrong - but somehow I feel that in retrospect, things fell into place as if they were meant to be in place. Yes, fate and destiny do play a role in this I suppose - but I think they are highly intertwined with personal choices and the driving force behind them.

There are things - actions - I still try to piece together the reason for. Why did I do something? Why didn't I do it at an opportunity earlier? or later? Why then? Why now? Somehow - simply because I don't have a solid answer - I want to think that the "soul of the world" is guiding me. I remember The Alchemist and Paulo Coelho explaining the depth of the soul of the world and its significance. If that theory holds true, and somehow I am connected to this mysterious master soul, than it knew what I was going to do all along. The rainy cloud: I don't like the idea of all my actions being "predetermined". The ray of sunshine: Someone - or something - some energy that is deeper than us is watching over me - over everyone.

I was miserable. Worse than I had ever felt. Nineteen years is not a long time, but that had been the span of my life at that point. And I was down right miserable. They say you have to hit rock bottom in order to come back up. I think that might have been the bottom of rock bottom. I was side-swiped. And worse of all - I had been lying to myself. I wanted to pretend and protect myself - I wanted to think that everything was good. I didn't realize how bad things were, what position I had landed myself in - and how my identity was quickly slipping from my grasp. I knew I had to do something, but I was scared.. no, I was petrified! I felt my insides giving out everytime I realized what I had to do, so I would put it off - until one day I realized it was too much. I had stayed quiet long enough, let it go completely out of control - been taken advantage of - in all senses. That was the first day in my life I stood up for myself. Sure I had had plenty of arguments with my parents and been able to "stand up" to them.. but they are my parents and I know they will be there for me no matter what. But through all the bullies in youth, the gossip girls in adolescence, and all the other tough situations - I had remained silent. I had done so in this case too. All those years of silence finally came out. I have an insatiable tolerance level - but I suppose several years of it had to give in at some point - and boy am I glad it did when it did! That was probably the worse situation I had found myself in. I look back to the person I was before it, and I would have probably stood up for a friend in that situation, or told her to get the hell out, so why was I in it? I think I had lost my mind would have been the right thing to say - but the truth is, I didn't have any perspective. I was so lost and far gone, I couldn't see it. No matter who or how many people tried to show me. A day came - and I left. Just like that.

Than came the rest of my life. So far, only a year in the rest of my life has gone by. And it is quite unbelievable how much this one year has been able to teach me than the past nineteen years combined! Perhaps that is the transition to being an adult - to joining the real world and letting go of a youth filled with extreme ups and downs. My line on the chart of life seems to be leveling off - thank goodness for that! I went through phases - ignorance, pain, anger, clinginess.. and finally - giving up. Than began the healing process. I wanted to know who I was (something I don't think is ever entirely possible) and I learned to move past. I did move past. I moved past not only a particular situation, but a way of thinking. I moved past to learning about myself, to loving myself, to accepting myself (and no, im not a narcissist). This was a vital pivot and allowed me to gain the confidence I had lacked growing up. Faith became prominent in my life, and I knew whatever was happening - had happened - and would happen - would be for an ultimate good. I think beyond all the bad, and the hurt and the silly things of the world - there is good. Pure, simple goodness.

I am happy. Yes, I've been happy before. But not like this. I was happy based on conditions - if this than I would be happy, if not that than I won't, etc. Today I am happy on a deeper level. Almost like a spiritual level. Harmony. I've wanted harmony for as long as I can remember - but never really knew what it would be like. I'm at peace with myself, and with the world. Even with daily discrepancies, or worries, I'm at peace with the inner me. And that is what I have found to be of utmost importance. I never knew soul searching would lead me here - I didn't know where it would lead me frankly. But I am genuinely glad it led me to this new point. This new plane where I can be happy from deep within - without any conditions - without concern to what will be, or how certain events go in a day - just some simple happiness.

There is satisfaction - with work, studying, family, friends. Which I certainly am. I work as hard as I can, and I feel good. But that is only a fraction of this new level of happy I have found. This level is one that isn't linked to material happiness - an A in a class makes me 'happy'. Nor one linked to excitement - woo hoo! lol. It's serene. And what astounds me the most is, I'm not scared of it. This happiness is strong, it is confident and founded correctly. It's simple and sweet - patient - kind. Like love. Somehow I get a feeling that spiritual, philosophy, soul energy, and this profound happiness all center around a form of love. Perhaps all forms. But that's for another day. Today I have found happy. With time, and it's ironies.

Happiness, Thank you for finally enlightening me.