I have a habit - which I know I'm not alone in - of listening to music while driving. So, as usual, while driving home tonight I was listening to my favorite tunes, when this bittersweet melody known as "Yeh jo des hai tera" from the hindi movie Swades came on - things changed for me. Now, I'm not a very emotional person. So everytime I do get emotional - or emotions, haha - I find that an enlightened realization comes out of it!
Tonight, that song brought tears to my eyes. I immediately wanted to know why - and on the fifteen minutes left until home, this is what I came up with to understand the emotion, and to ease it away:
The song's main line translates into something like "this is your country, your own country, there is a bond that cannot break" - and I wondered, which country was I feeling this emotion for? And I realized, it was the lack of one that affected me most. I was born in one country, and have spent 15 years in another; one I can officially be called a citizen of, and the other I still hold citizenship rights in. But does that all make any difference? They both treat me the same - they give me the illusion of acceptance, when in reality I don't fit in either. This thought - of course - just proceeded to make me sadder (as the song continued gently in the background).
A voice inside my head said something then, it said, "Perhaps you belong to the world" - This was something to think about. I pondered on this and realized that through all my soul searching and buddhist reading, I should know better than to be sad at having no attachments to any given country. The whole purpose of meditation is to let go of attachments - and here I was upset I didn't have any. Maybe the voice had a point - maybe I do belong to the world - or rather, put a bit better, the earth. I belong to the earth - as does everyone - yet most get caught up in divisions that are ultimately man-made. I believe in nature, and nature doesn't define any boundaries - it doesn't tell me that one is your country, and the other is not. They are both mine to belong in, and neither are mine to belong in - the whole earth is open for me.
A sense of relief flooded through me. The phrase "all is well" came to mind and made me laugh. Silly me! This was a blessing in disguise - not belonging to any one place - it allowed me to belong to the earth - the earth that gives me my true life. I had been wondering about my house lately - my parents were thinking of moving from a house I have spent practically my whole life in. What would it feel like to not have a home that held all childhood memories? I realized that although that sadness would not disappear, it would diminish with time. And knowing that I am of this earth - and not of here or there - makes me feel that no matter where I live, memories and people are what will make it home!
5 comments:
Nice post Divya.. Our identity and sense of belonging are some of our most closely held labels but it can be a little claustrophobic having them around all the time. I think there are many benefits to not truly belonging to any such labels. Maybe we appreciate people more then :)
Thanks R! :) ya I think letting go of or not having labels allows us to appreciate and emrace humanity in a deep way :)
Oops! I meant embrace..
Very nice thought provoking post; Divya. I have only moved from one county to another and am having attachment issues, I can only imagine what that would be like for you. I is interesting how a song can make one so emotional; this happens to me quite often; especially in the car. Music, the universal voice.
I have followed from book blogs; I hope when you get the chance you will stop by and visit me.
Also there is a link on my blog for: halfpastkissingtime..they do a thing there called Friday Fragment..I doubled my followers in 2 weeks and it was fun!
Thanks for your comment Doreen! I will certainly stop by your blog sometime :)
Post a Comment