Being the Best Me

The Bushman in the Kalahari Desert talk about two "hungers."
There is the Great Hunger and there is the Little Hunger.
The Little Hunger wants food for the belly; but the Great Hunger,
the greatest hunger of all, is the hunger for meaning…
There's ultimately only one thing that makes human beings deeply and profoundly bitter,
and that is to have thrust upon them a life without meaning…
There is nothing wrong in searching for happiness…
But of far more comfort to the soul…is something greater than happiness
or unhappiness, and that is meaning. Because meaning transfigures all…
Once what you are doing has for you meaning, it is irrelevant whether you're happy
or unhappy. You are content—you are not alone in your Spirit—you belong.

— Sir Laurens van der Post from Hasten Slowly, a film by Mickey Lemle
(from: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Wayne-Dyer-on-Ambition-with-Meaning)

This quote made me realize something; for the sake of the overuse of the word "realize" it is such a necessary word, it is what this blog is all about - everything my soul searches for and "realizes".. so bare with the word and all of its meaning.. Back to the quote - it made me realize something. I have tried and tried to be happy, and I've succeeded. Next, I've tried to stay happy - a calm, peace filled happiness that doesn't relate to any thing or person or situation, but just to life in general - and I've been less than successful. Perhaps, it is because I haven't been searching in the correct way. (Is there a correct way?) Like this quote suggests, it is the meaning of it all that will sustain the happiness. Or even the unhappiness.. but it will leave me with something much beyond happiness - Contentedness.

What is the meaning of life? I think I've come to a conclusion that the answer to that will match the population of the world, what are we up to 6.something billion? What I want to explore, what I want to find is the meaning of my life. As selfish as that is, wouldn't it be great if we all knew the meaning of our lives - we would be more content, at peace even with ourselves and the world around us. It would be a group englightenment of sorts. But, alas, each to their own. Getting back to what I can do - I started thinking about my life, its purpose, its meaning. There is so much I want to do, so much I feel I would be good at, or want to try. But at the end of the day I realize, what difference will each of those individual items make? They will certainly shape me, and mold my ideals into my own ideals. So, how does that define the purpose of my life?

It's so simple I can't believe I haven't throught of it before. The purpose of my life is to be me. Whether I engage in one profession or another, or none if I choose, whether I have some object or don't, or indulge in some activity or don't, it won't matter at the end of it all. What will matter is who I was. Who I became and changed into and kept being because of all the things I did and didn't do. The people around me won't remember me for my work or my amazing skill at some random thing, they will (hopefully) remember me for me. For who I was to them, and what I said, and how I treated them. My purpose is to be me - the best me I can be, because there is no other me. This is my specific role in life to fullfill because there will never be another me. There will be others in my profession, in my house, in my town, there might even be others with my name, or clothes, or things. But there will never be another me. The me who thinks a certain way, the me who feels a certain way, the me who wants to be a certain way. Who knew it could be this simple?

Every mundane task, every "important" event must happen - I must go through all of these. That is life after all, but to search for the meaning in any of these individual things, I would come up empty-handed. Try it for yourself - and you will see. If I believe that all of this serves some purpose to making me who I am, than I can believe that the ultimate goal of everything that happens to me or around me is meant to happen for some effect on me - hence, the ultimate purpose becomes just being who I am. I was put here - just where I am - for the reason of being me - of filling the lives of those who love me, and for being filled by the lives of those I love. Somehow, I know that life as we know it and live it would be different if any one of us was not here.

Let's see how this one works out. Perhaps the realization that I am just supposed to be me will make me lose my attachments to the happiness, unhappiness, battle raging inside me. I like the feeling of content - will it last is what I wonder? I know everything will happen the way it is supposed to - the way it is supposed to make me me, and change me, and mold me, and all that. But I wonder if I will continually be able to remember my purpose, my meaning - will I be able to accept it and wonder any more? We all come, and we all leave - and most of us wish to leave a mark, but don't we all leave marks? My great, great, great, great grandparents - I have no idea who they were, or even what their names were - but I am them. There are many of us who came from them, and somehow in each of us they live on. Their marks are walking, talking, beings. Every one of us on this earth is a mark of someone else. So, why the stress, the race, the aggression to leave a mark in any other way? This is the way it has been, this is the way it is.

I don't know if the "purpose" I have come up with for my life is true or not, and I know there are holes all through my theory - but what I know I will get out of it, is a confirmation of sorts. I can relax, I can breathe in the fresh air, I can live life fully and embrace each moment for what it is. I don't have to worry about what will be, or what should be - it will happen as it will happen. All I need to do, all I have to do is be the best me.

And I think I'm doing a good job of it! :)